letter to my 3 year old

Harris,
I know that you may feel as though all I do is tell you no, or get on to you during the day, but I promise I see all the good you do and I can tell you have a good heart. Your daddy and I sometimes lie awake at night and just talk about all the sweet, kind and thoughtful things you do. I know I need to get better about letting you know the good I see instead of focusing on correcting your wrong behavior. Please forgive me for this.  Honey, I see when Ruthie is starting to get upset and you go to her and say “It’s okay baby, Harris is here”.

Or when I get hurt on something and you run to get me a band aid. I saw when you picked up that piece of trash off the floor and ran it to the garbage can then sweetly told Ruthie you didn't want her to choke on it. I hear when you are role playing with your toys and you say yes mam and you use please and thank you when talking to them. I hear you sing Jesus Loves Me when you can't fall asleep in your bed. When you get in trouble and you sweetly say under your breath “I’m sorry mommy”. How you give me patience and grace when I can’t attend to your need at that exact moment because I am doing something with your sister. How you kiss your sister for no reason.

When we are going to the grocery store and out of the blue you will tell me "Mommy I am going to be patient in the store". I love how you watch your daddy so closely and I can see deep down that you want to be just like him. You will go in his closet and get one of his ties and a pair of his shoes and come to me and kiss me and Ruthie and tell us that you are going to work. Honey, I see all of these things and sometimes I praise you for them and sometimes I don’t. I know I probably focus more on the negative during the day and for that please forgive me. I do only discipline you because I love you but I also want to show you that I see your precious heart everyday. And although our hearts are sinful I see where Jesus is trying to draw you to Him. Sweetheart, we have a long road ahead and sometimes I fear the unknown. I fear whether or not something will happen to you or me or your daddy or sister.  I fear whether or not you will choose the right path or choose to rebel. In all this fear I have to remember that as much as I love you that our Savior loves you infinitely more. I can honestly not even fathom His love for you. He knows and made every hair on your head. He yearns for you to be His and for you to choose the best, which his Him.
Harris that is my deepest desire for you, to fall in love with the One that created you and created your sweet spirit for His glory. Mommy can only love you so much, can only teach you and show you so many things. But we will fail you daily. I want you to be in the arms of the One that knows exactly what you need and has your eternity at heart. He is the One you need.  

but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." (1 Peter 1:15, 16 ESV)

Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7 ESV)

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11, 12 ESV)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 ESV)

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7, 11 ESV)

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1: 27-28

Son, please forgive me where I fail. I am not even close to being perfect and I know that so many times I am not as patient or as loving as I should be with you. I am so sorry and I am striving daily to rely of the Lord to parent you. I want you to know that do not put your trust in men (or mommy) because we will fail you. Hopefully one day you will put your trust in Him and you will feel the peace that only He can give you. I love you my first born and I praise God for entrusting you to us. I hope you had a great 3rd birthday and I can not wait to celebrate many more together.